Why Your Dog Isn’t ‘Being Stubborn’

Understanding What’s Really Going On When Your Dog Doesn’t Listen

It’s one of the most common things I hear:

“He knows what I want—he’s just being stubborn.”

But here’s the truth: dogs aren’t trying to defy us. They’re not manipulative, spiteful, or vengeful. They’re simply responding to their current emotional state, past learning, and the clarity of the information we’re giving them.

🐶 The Stubborn Dog Myth

When a dog isn’t responding, it usually comes down to one or more of these:

• They’re confused (the cue isn’t clear or hasn’t been practiced enough).

• They’re distracted (the environment is too stimulating).

• They’re stressed or fearful (emotions override learning).

• They’re under-trained (they don’t truly know the behavior in that context).

And all of those reactions should lead me to make a change—not expect the dog to.

🧠 Reframing “Disobedience”

Instead of labeling the behavior as “stubborn,” ask yourself:

• Does my dog understand what I’m asking—right now, in this moment?

• Is the environment too much for them right now?

• Have I reinforced this behavior enough times for it to be reliable?

• Is my dog physically and emotionally ready to learn?

This shift in thinking changes everything. You go from blaming your dog to becoming a more thoughtful, compassionate trainer.

🔁 What to Do Instead

Here are some better ways to approach those tough moments:

1. Lower the Criteria
Make it easier. Ask for something simpler, or move to a quieter space where your dog can focus.

2. Use Better Reinforcement
Make it worth their while. Training is a transaction—are you paying enough for the job you’re asking them to do?

3. Practice in Context
Dogs don’t generalize well. Just because your dog sits in the kitchen doesn’t mean they’ll sit at the park. Practice where you want reliability.

4. Check Emotional State
Fear and frustration block learning. If your dog is struggling, help them feel safe and supported before asking for more.

❤️ Final Thoughts

Stubbornness is a human lens we put on dogs when we feel frustrated. But dogs aren’t giving us a hard time—they’re having a hard time. When we shift our perspective and ask better questions, we become more effective teachers and kinder companions.

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