What to Do When You Don’t Know What to Do
There’s a moment in training that almost no one talks about.
You’re not angry.
You’re not reactive.
You’re not even sure what you should be doing.
You’re just… stuck.
Your dog is doing something you didn’t expect. The situation doesn’t fit neatly into a plan or a protocol. None of the usual tools feel obviously right. And suddenly, the pressure to do something shows up.
So you act — not because it’s the best choice, but because doing nothing feels irresponsible.
But sometimes, the most skillful thing you can do is pause.
The Discomfort of Not Acting
Humans are wired to fix. To respond. To intervene.
When behavior feels uncertain or messy, stillness can feel like failure. Like indecision. Like letting things slide.
But uncertainty isn’t the same as inaction.
There’s a difference between freezing and choosing not to rush.
One comes from overwhelm.
The other comes from awareness.
Why “Do Something” Is a Trap
When we act out of urgency, we usually default to familiar tools — even if they’re not appropriate for the moment.
We repeat cues.
We add pressure.
We raise expectations.
We interrupt without a plan.
Those actions feel productive, but they’re often driven by discomfort, not clarity.
And dogs feel that.
Pausing Creates Information
A pause isn’t empty. It’s observant.
When you don’t immediately act, you start to notice things you would’ve missed:
your dog’s body language
changes in breathing or tension
where attention is going
whether arousal is rising or falling
That information matters more than a fast response.
You can’t make a good decision without it.
Doing Less Can Actually Be Doing More
Some of the most impactful training moments don’t look like training at all.
They look like:
taking a breath
increasing distance
letting a moment pass
choosing not to cue
ending the session early
These choices don’t fix everything instantly — but they prevent small moments from becoming bigger problems.
They protect the relationship.
They protect clarity.
They protect trust.
When Pausing Helps the Dog Think
Dogs don’t need us to fill every gap.
Sometimes, when we stop directing, dogs:
self-regulate
disengage
orient back
make a better choice on their own
Those moments don’t happen when we’re constantly intervening.
They happen when there’s space.
This Isn’t About Being Passive
Pausing doesn’t mean ignoring behavior or hoping it resolves itself.
It means choosing not to act until you understand what’s happening.
Action informed by observation is different from action driven by discomfort.
One builds skills.
The other just releases pressure.
A Better Question Than “What Should I Do?”
When you feel stuck, instead of asking “What should I do right now?” try asking:
What does my dog need in this moment?
Is this about skill, emotion, or environment?
Would acting right now help or add pressure?
What happens if I give this five seconds?
Those questions slow the moment down enough for clarity to show up.
Trust Grows in the Pauses
Dogs learn not just from what we do, but from what we don’t do.
When we pause instead of reacting, we show dogs that:
mistakes aren’t emergencies
emotions are manageable
the human isn’t unpredictable
the environment is safe enough to think
That’s powerful learning — even though it looks quiet.
The Long View
You don’t need a perfect response in every moment.
You need fewer rushed ones.
When you don’t know what to do, pausing isn’t a failure of training.
It’s often the most experienced move in the room.
